Today’s post is from my very first Guest Blogger, Brooke Ryter.
More than seven years ago your voice was silenced and your presence forever removed. What you left behind was forever changed. Your children were devastated and still are in some ways. They each dealt and still deal with your passing in their own way. All I can do is my best to guide them to a place where they can, in their own minds, settle up and come to terms with the loss of their Daddy.
You gave me four beautiful babies and I thank you for that. Two that look and act like you, and two that look and act like me … funny how that worked out.
When you last saw them, the girls were just starting out in their adult lives and the boys were still kids. I want you to know that your girls have found their footing in the adult world; they are doing great and are wonderful Mommies. The boys are adults now and have gotten so tall. It probably would have bothered you a bit that the shorter of the two is two inches taller than you (and yes, I would have had to pick on you about that).
Your oldest daughter has two little girls now. The youngest, she has a bit of your ‘need to direct’ in her, which I think is adorable. Your oldest granddaughter is so smart and articulate. Both of your granddaughters are beautiful!! You would tear. Your daughter and son-in-law are wonderful parents and are doing a fantastic job of raising their girls.
Your youngest daughter is still so much like you. Your grandson has fantastic athletic ability in every sport he attempts. His favorites are basketball and baseball. He played football for one year, but he decided he didn’t like it all that much. That would have been a sad day for you since football was your favorite sport. You would be proud of him though. Your son-in-law has become a wonderful man and takes fantastic care of your daughter and grandson.
Your oldest son is a daddy now and you would have been thrilled to learn that he gave his son the same name you gave him. He is the kind of Daddy I always wanted him to be. He understands that one doesn’t have to be a female to change diapers, make a bottle, or sing to your baby. He has become a wonderful man.
Your youngest son is trying to find his footing in the adult world, and that is normal for where he is in his life. He is quick witted, funny, smart, and athletic. We call him Jerry Lewis reincarnated. He played football in High School and was very good. I know that you wouldn’t have missed a game.
There have been some rough patches for each of your children, but each stood up, tucked a shoulder, kept forward movement, and made their way through. In the last seven years there have been many changes in the lives of those you left behind. But what hasn’t changed is how much they miss you, love you, and keep you in their hearts.
You would be proud of the men and women your children have become … I know I am.
I want to say again, thank you for my babies. But, there is a question that I know I will never find an answer. Why would you silence your own voice and leave them to feel abandoned by their Dad? Why did you take the coward’s way out of your problems? When you took your own life, you took a piece of each one of them with you and that I am still trying to find the strength to forgive.
I guess it isn’t for me to understand.
A dedicated mom
Brooke is from the sunny Fresno area and can be found and followed here:
www.brookeryter.weebly.com – Website
@BrookeRyter – Twitter
www.swthink.blogspot.com – So, Whatcha Think, the book’s blog
So…Whatcha Think? on Facebook – So, Whatcha Think, the book, on Facebook
Thank you Paul for the opportunity to be a guest blogger. I hope everyone likes the story.
Death of a loved one is hard, but I think you totally share the confusion that follows suicide. I’m sorry for your loss. The pictures of your family are beautiful. 🙂
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Thank you Lara. It is a hard path to walk. The hardest part is watching my children suffer heartache and pain I cannot take away. I watch the grandchildren come into this world and grow, which is a joy. But there is always a bit of sadness that he will never know them and they will never know him. He chose to miss so much.
I am remarried now to a wonderful man who is a fantastic step-dad to my kids and a great Papa to the grandkids.
Through this we all learned that life is too short to sweat the small stuff and that is how we live our lives. Look for the magic every day offers. You never know, today could be your last day to see it.